I am five weeks pregnant. The estimated due date, based on date of conception is September 5, 2011. Labor Day! Joy shines bright within me most of the time with trepidation wafting through, a bitter haze.
I have all of the reassuring pregnancy symptoms including extreme fatigue, nausea (if I allow myself to go too long without food), a strong attraction to all things sour, and breast tenderness when nursing Marshall. I do not mind these discomforts when they occur during the course of a natural, healthy pregnancy.
I have eliminated all forms of caffeine. Boy did I miss my cuppa for the first few days. I never miss chocolate or alcohol. But, tea and coffee are really hard to give up at first.
I am really focusing on enjoying pregnancy today. I cannot change the course of things by worrying or imagining what could go wrong. I want this baby. I need this baby.
A little seed of joy is growing within me. I am envisioning this little life in a very unscientific way. Instead of an embryo embedded in my uterus, I see a sparkle. A glimmering orb. Like the fireflies of my childhood dreams. The glow pulsates; a tiny heartbeat.
I send prayers and wishes that this little life grows stronger and stronger within me. That I will be able to hold within me this sweet one. That we will not have to seperate until we can look eye to eye and breath the same air.
Our loss earlier this summer taught me many, many things. One thing that I learned was that joy is never too “new” or “young” to share. It was and is a strage experience to mourn the loss of a little person that virtually noone else even knew existed. I decided that if I ever had the honor of holding life within me again, I would not hoard the treasure.
So, here it is:
I am pregnant! I am 4 weeks pregnant. I am ecstatic.