I am five weeks pregnant. The estimated due date, based on date of conception is September 5, 2011. Labor Day! Joy shines bright within me most of the time with trepidation wafting through, a bitter haze.
I have all of the reassuring pregnancy symptoms including extreme fatigue, nausea (if I allow myself to go too long without food), a strong attraction to all things sour, and breast tenderness when nursing Marshall. I do not mind these discomforts when they occur during the course of a natural, healthy pregnancy.
I have eliminated all forms of caffeine. Boy did I miss my cuppa for the first few days. I never miss chocolate or alcohol. But, tea and coffee are really hard to give up at first.
I am really focusing on enjoying pregnancy today. I cannot change the course of things by worrying or imagining what could go wrong. I want this baby. I need this baby.
Keeping my hands busy these last two days has seemed so critical. Perhaps if I am up to my elbows in suds cleaning something or if my fingers are covered in flour from making a pie crust, they won’t remember what else they held so recently.
I talked with our midwife, today. She wanted to check in and see how I was feeling. And, I said honestly that I did not know. She recommended taking a couple of months “off” to heal and think.
Damn it. I am bleeding. I am trying very hard to remain optimistic and calm. But, the reality is that I am scared.
I had some minor spotting on Saturday then red blood on Sunday. No bleeding on Monday or Tuesday. I am bleeding again today.
I had an ultrasound on Monday. We saw a gestational sac in my uterus that measured at 4/5 weeks (right on track). There were no abnormalities observed. So, an ectopic prenancy was ruled out. One cool thing was that the tech showed us that my left ovary was responsible to releasing the egg that was fertilized.
I had blood drawn for beta HCG quant testing. On Monday the level was 3682 mIU/mL and today it was 7,066 mIU/mL. Those numbers are right in the healthy range and the rate of increase was ideal.
So, I have to take it easy. No heavy lifting or acrobatics. That is not a simple task when you are the caretaker and playmate of a wild and curious Marshall-boy. I will retest blood on Friday and have another ultrasound on Monday.
“There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.” Baruch Spinoza